I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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