dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
