no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
