I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
