Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
