so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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