no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
