C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
