just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
