I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have aggressive nipples.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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