peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
