Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
