A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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