i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
