Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
