Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
