Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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