Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
