she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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