I'm jealous of your bromance
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Blood and glitter go together right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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