I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
