i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
