Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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