Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just pee around me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
