Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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