worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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