Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
