I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
