I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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