You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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