I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
