she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
