Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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