Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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