we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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