No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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