You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
