I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
