dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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