i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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