id be glad to
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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