they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
