Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
