Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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