Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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