I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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