Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
