Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
