Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
