I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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