I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
third nipple confirmed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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