i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
