you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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