How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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