i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
