she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
